And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
