i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
