So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
do herpes really smell.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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