not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize