dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
