HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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