i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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