Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm passing your future prison.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
