Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize