It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
