you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
