i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
