I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
