Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
