is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
