i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize