Your mouth is God's brothel.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
