Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
