I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
