oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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