If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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