I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize