I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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