I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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