I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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