Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
