How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
