god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
