everyone is single if you try hard enough
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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