her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
