He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
