At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
