The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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