I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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