I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
