I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
