i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
