so explain again why im purple
no
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My life is pants optional.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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