woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize