i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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