Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
