Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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