but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
