he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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