Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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