Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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