I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
