foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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