my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
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