U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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