So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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