I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
