I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
