stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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