you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
