Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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