My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
