Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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