i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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