Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
