Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
