btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
