Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
