Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
