I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
MIDGETS
????
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
