He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
