fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
