Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Another day, another engagement, another cat
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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