I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
