Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
