Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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