New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
