I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
