goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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