i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
